Day 4 | Evening | We Are Servants

[Kiran Alsahar]

"Don't get me wrong, I still think the way it's executed is wrong. But breaking down calcified power structures and attitudes... probably necessary. Still, it did get hijacked by... by something..." They closed their eyes and shivered. They didn't remember much besides the golden path. Heat, terror, a hiss of movement. That was all. It still filled them with an undefined horror.

They tap their fingers on the table. "I agree that they mean something different by human. But I saw also that even after all that, even they respond to an outstretched hand."

They smiled, took Laila's had, and squeezed it gently. "I think it's going to be okay. They're still people, despite themselves."

[Laila Bridger]

"But for how long?"

She sighed.

"Not that it might matter. Taking a little trip in the morning."

As she had obviously mentioned prior to the thread, whatever continuity snarls might have arisen from the timing of Hawat's "request."

[Kiran Alsahar]

"I don't think people can stop being people. They try to condition and train themselves out of it, but we're beautiful emotional basket cases at heart," they replied with a small smile. "A little trip?"

[Laila Bridger]

She sighed.

"It's something Hadrian and I have to do. The Atreides give nothing for free."

She took in their surroundings.

"Everyone here's so... content, fat and happy they don't see the strings. They don't mind the leash because they trust the hand holding it. I can't do that."

[Kiran Alsahar]

They shrugged. "We all make exchanges with others to function from day to day. That's the exchange they make with the Atreides. It's one I'm going to have to make, as well. I can't really afford to leave and still accomplish what I want to see in the world."

[Laila Bridger]

"I'm just a little tired of people being grateful for nobles who don't hunt them for sport as if that's praiseworthy instead of the acceptable minimum."

She sighed.

"I just... things were fine on Ecaz until they weren't. It's all balanced on a knife's edge every second."

A deep breath.

"And after what we've been through these last few days, the last thing I needed was... all of this. The trip. Wanna. All of it."

[Kiran Alsahar]

Kiran lowered their head. "I'm sorry for my part in it. If I hadn't called you over this morning and just done it myself, you wouldn't have been pulled into this."

[Laila Bridger]

Laila's tone was perhaps unexpectedly fierce.

"You never need to apologize to me, Qi Ran. Becoming your sister is literally the only thing keeping me from collapsing into a quivering, screaming mess when I think about what we barely survived."

A pause.

"Well, and seeing how you and Duncan are together. That too."

[Kiran Alsahar]

Kiran laughed and hugged her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... But..." They settled down. "I'm here if you want to talk about it."

[Laila Bridger]

"I think I... need to? I mean, with someone who cares. It's just..."

She sighed.

"I'm barely holding it together. I want to just flip this damn table over and start fucking screaming. It's... for the last three years, I didn't really care if I lived or died. And then right as I discover I do want to live, I do want a future, that little bastard is going to take it form me and there's nothing I can do..."

[Kiran Alsahar]

Kiran sighed, looking out the window with a muted expression. ""What do you mean he'll take it from you future tense?"

They pulled up their feet into the chair, resting their chin on their knees.

[Laila Bridger]

"Because sometimes when I close my eyes, we're still there."

A vein pulsed in her throat.

"Still trussed up in that goddamn cave while he shoves needles into us and gloats. I remember his fucking face and I feel my death in it."

[Kiran Alsahar]

Kiran pulled their chair closer so they can take Laila's hands, squeezing gently. "It's hard to shake, those feelings. But you're here with me, and you have Hadrian. Duncan and Xard would help you, too. You're not alone. We got you."

[Laila Bridger]

"I know. It's part of why I love you."

She squeezed back. Somewhat feverishly.

"But you guys are it. And it's... nobody else gives a goddamn. The old spider, Wanna, none of them-"

She cut herself off.

"I'm just supposed to be a good fuckin' soldier and get back out there. Follow my higher purpose, take the trip, save the day. But it's..."

She let the air hiss through gritted teeth.

"They seem to think I'm good to go because I'm not bleeding all over the goddamn place."

[Kiran Alsahar]

"They think they're doing the right thing for what they believe in," they said, shaking their head. "I don't agree. You need down time to process everything."

"At the same time... you saw Wanna. I'm not sure how much choice they have, either. The conditioning that lets them do what they do seems to come with indoctrination, too. That's not to let them off the hook, but to theorize on why it's happening."

"Is Hadrian coming with you, do you know?"

[Laila Bridger]

She gave a shaky smile.

"Yeah. One more thing to worry about, but... he's definitely the only reason I didn't tell them to pound sand."

[Kiran Alsahar]

They squeezed her hands. "It sucks that you have to do this so soon, it really does, and I don't want you to think I'm understating it. But I know the two of you can get through it together. You gotta get back home to your family, after all."

[Laila Bridger]

"Yeah. We can. I just..."

She took a breath.

"And that means you take care of yourself, all right, Qi Ran? Safe as the universe will let you."

She managed another smile.

"And try and keep Duncan from carrying the whole damn world on his shoulders, while you're at it. I figure keeping him grounded and yourself safe at the same time's a big ask. But give it a shot."

[Kiran Alsahar]

Kiran smiled warmly. "Of course... and I'll do my best. I suspect I'm going to have to keep a lot of people from doing that, if everything I've seen of Imperium culture continues."

[Laila Bridger]

"Just a big pack of martyrs, monsters, and madmen..."

She sighed.

"All fighting over which is which."